why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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