trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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