We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
