He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
