Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
