i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
