Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
