I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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