Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Send help, water and tortillas.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
