why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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