3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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