Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
