There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
