I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
