yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
