I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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