You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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