Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
