i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
