help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
