where am i from again
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
