yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
