"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
