I bet he comes in French.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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