is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
