I just saw a hot homeless man
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
