So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
