We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
