I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
