Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
