you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize