I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
