Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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