Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
