it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
