You just made me feel so damn special
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
