I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
