we're chasing vodka with high fives
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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