Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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