My first STD was from a foam party
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
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Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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