He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
