I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
