There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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