Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
