btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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