wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
