I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
