I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
