when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
