Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
