I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
