i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
