I could have mohawked her pubes.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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