I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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