Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
