He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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