Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
