I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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