Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
