Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
