The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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