It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
