your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i love accidental penises.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
