look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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