So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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