I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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