I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
