Umm I'm too high to move.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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