Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
