Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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